Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Introducing... Sancha

Sancha is the concubine of Captain Zaporavo of the pirate ship Wastrel. She lounges on deck just as CONAN swims up to the ship and climbs onboard.
SANCHA, ONCE OF KORDAVA, yawned daintily, stretched her supple limbs luxuriously, and composed herself more comfortably on the ermine-fringed silk spread on the carack's poop-deck. That the crew watched her with burning interest from the waist and forecastle she was lazily aware, just as she also aware that her short silk kirtle veiled little of her voluptuous contours from their eager eyes.
From "The Pool of the Black One"
Page 163. The Complete Chronicles of CONAN.

CONAN, a barbarian of barbarians.

CONAN and Natala are lost in the desert, close to death, with no water left, when they notice a tower on the horizon.
A barbarian of barbarians, the vitality and endurance of the wild were his, granting him survival were civilised men would have perished.
From, "The Slithering Shadow"
Page 136 "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN"

Introducing... Natala

I thnk one way to look at how women are used as characters in the stories, is simply to examine how they are described when they are intoduced. I will be listing all the introductions, making it easy to look at the language used when describing the various women from the CONAN tales and draw your own conclusion.
At his feet rested a girl, one white arm clasping his knee, against which her blond head dropped. Her white skin contrasted with his hard bronzed limbs; her short silken tunic, low-necked and sleaveless, girdled at the waist, emphasized rather than concealed her lithe figure.
From, "The Slithering Shadow"
Page 134 "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN"

I guess this is a classic to start with, CONAN is in the desert, clad only in a silk loin-cloth, lithe maiden hanging on  his knee in a classic Frazetta pose.

Monday, January 30, 2012

A reference from CONAN's employer

Princess Yasmela is instructed by the god Mitra that the only way she can save her kingdom is by making CONAN the commander of her armies. When she tells her generals Lord Amalric says,

"That's CONAN the northron, the most turbulent of all my rogues. I'd have hanged him long ago, were he not the best swordsman that ever doned a hauberk-"

From "Black Colossus"
Page 116. The Complete Chronicles of CONAN.

CONAN meets an alien

After breaking into the legendary, Tower of the Elephant, CONAN comes face to with an ancient humanoid figure with the head of an elephant. A being who explains he is from another world,
I came to this planet with others of my world, from the green planet Yag, which circles for ever in the outer fringe of this universe.
From "The Tower of the Elephant"
Page 96. "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN"

The evils of drink...

CONAN rescues Pelias who has been held captive by Tsotha an evil wizard for ten years. After their escape they stop to rest next to a table,
He caugth me helpless with drink, Wine is a curse- by the ivory bosom of Ishtar, even as I speak of it, the traitor is here! Friend, please pour me a goblet
From "The Scarlet Citadel"
Page 64. "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN"

Wine... it's evil, but ever so morish...

Where was CONAN from?

CONAN King of Aquilonia faces defeat after being lured into a trap,
In this stress all the venner of civilazation had faded; it was a barbarian who faced his conquerors. CONAN was a Cimmerian by birth, one of those fierce moody hillmen who dwelt in their gloomy, cloudy land in the north. His saga which led him to the throne of Aquilonia, was the basis for a whole cycle of hero-tales.
From "The Scarlet Citadel"
Page 46. "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN"

Sunday, January 29, 2012

CONAN talks about CROM

CONAN is discussing religion and belief with Belit, the Pirate Queen and his lover. She asks him about his own gods,
"Their chief is CROM. He dwells on a great mountain. What use to call on him? Little he cares if men live or die. Better to be silent than to call his attention to you; he will send dooms, not fortune. He is grim and loveless, but at birth he breathes power to strive and slay into a man's soul. What else shall men ask of gods?"
From "Queen of the Black Coast"
Page 246. The Complete Chronicles of CONAN.

CROM, doesn't seem to offer much, even to the devoutest follower, but since all he seems to asks in return is that you don't bother him, it seems like a reasonable exchange.

CONAN sums up his existance in a few words

CONAN sums up his existance in a few words,
I live, I burn with life, I love, I slay, and I am content.
From "Queen of the Black Coast"
Page 246. The Complete Chronicles of CONAN.

This line was paraphrased in the latest CONAN movie.

CONAN ponders the philosophical nature of reality

CONAN is aware of the various debates raging amongst the thinkers of the time regarding the nature of reality, but is pragmatic about the options,
Let teachers and priests and philosophers brood over questions of reality and illusion. I know this: if life is an illusion, then I am no less illusion, and being thus, the illusion is real to me.
From "Queen of the Black Coast"
Page 246. The Complete Chronicles of CONAN.

CONAN is betrayed to the authorites by his lover so he...

CONAN is betrayed to the local authorities by his former lover. After he escapes the dungeon he was imprisoned in he pays her a visit to exact revenge...

...he crossed the chamber, while she cowered back against the wall, sobbing frantic pleas for mercy. Grasping her yellow locks with no gentle hand, he dragged her off the bed. Thrusting his blade back into its sheath, he tucked his squirming captive under his left arm, and strode to the window. Like most houses of that type, a ledge encircled each story, caused by the continuance of the window-ledges. CONAN kicked the window open and stepped out on that narrow band. If any had been near or awake, they would have witnessed the bizarre sight of a man moving carefully along the ledge, carrying a kicking, half-naked wench under his arm. They would have been no more puzzled than the girl.
Reaching the spot he sought, CONAN halted, gripping the wall with his free hand. Inside the building rose a sudden clamour, showing that the body had been discovered. His captive whimpered and twisted, renewing her importunities. CONAN glanced down into the muck and slime of the alley below; he listened briefly to the clamour inside and the pleas of the wench; then he dropped her with great accuracy into a cesspool. He enjoyed her kickings and flounderings the concentrated venom of her profanity for a few seconds, and even allowing himself a low rumble of laughter.

From, "Rogues in the House"
Page 194-5. "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN"

A woman does something useful.

CONAN and Sancha, the consort of a pirate captain CONAN recently killed have seen the pirate crew carried drugged and helpless into a courtyard by the dark skinned monsters who inhabit the strange island they find them selves on. CONAN must distract the inhabitants of the island while Sancha revives the crew.
"Listen! I'll draw those black swine into another part of the castle and keep them busy for a while. Meanwhile you shake these fools awake, bring their swords to them- it's a fighting chance. Can you do it?"
From "The Pool of the Black One."
Page 178. The Complete Chronicles of CONAN.

CONAN puts his trust in her and she does manage it. A few of them escape after a bloody battle.
It would seem that the ladies aren't just for hanging on CONAN's leg while he poses heroically, although they do do that a lot! ;-)

CROM: An introduction.

After CONAN has spent some time considering the complexities of the religions of the civilized men, he takes solace in CROM,
His gods were simple and understandable; CROM was their chief, and he lived on a great mountain, whence he sent forth dooms and death. It was useless to call on CROM, because he was a gloomy, savage god, and he hated weaklings. But he gave a man courage at birth, and the will and might to kill his enemies, which, in the Cimmerian's mind was all any god should be expected to do.
From "The Tower of the Elephant"
Page 83. "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN"

There's Nothing quite like slaying to build up a thirst.

After beating of a group of 20 attackers and some sort of demon thing, a wounded King CONAN, sits down to recover,
"Wine!" gasped the king from the couch where they had lain him. They put a goblet to his bloody lips and drank like a man half dead with thirst.
"Good!" he grunted, falling back, "Slaying is cursed dry work."
They had staunched the flow of blood, and they innate vitality of the barbarian was asserting itself.
You can't fault a guy for liking his wine :-)

From "The Phoenix on the Sword"
Page 41 "The complete Chronicles of CONAN"

Artwork displayed with the kind permission of the artist, Nicolas Bournay.
Please check out his web page HERE for more of his work.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

The First mention of CROM

King CONAN of Aquilonia is discussing the people of the north with his adviser Prospero, he says of them,
Their gods are CROM and his dark race, who rule over a sunless place of everlasting mist, which is the world of the dead.
I'm curious to see how CROM evolves through the stories, since apart from his use as an expletive, he's not getting mentioned very much so far.
But hey, now I play a waiting game!

From "The Phoenix on the Sword"
Page 29 "The complete Chronicles of CONAN"

CONAN on the importance of the arts.

King CONAN of Aquilonia recognises the value and longevity of art. When an adviser tells him he should hang Rinaldo, an artist whose songs are rowsing the people agianst King CONAN, he replies,
...he's beyond my reach. A great poet is greater than any king. His songs are mightier than my scepter; for he has ripped the heart from my chest when he chose to sing for me. I shall die and be forgotten, but Rinaldo's songs will live for ever.
 From "The Phoenix on the Sword"
Page 28 "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN

 I was quite surprised to read this passage, perhaps unfairly, because CONAN is always described as being intelligent. He sees the futility of trying to censor the arts, but it all get's put in perspective a few page turns later when CONAN kills Renaldo,  albeit reluctantly,
"Rinaldo!" his voice was strident with desperate urgency. "Back!" I would not slay you-"
"Die, tyrant!" screamed the mad minstrel, hurling himself headlong on the king. CONAN delayed the blow he was loth to deliver, until it was too late. Only when he felt the bite of steel in is unprotected side did he strike, in a frenzy of blind desperation.
Ronaldo dropped with his skull shattered...

  From "The Phoenix on the Sword"
Page 38 "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN.

Word of the day, number 1.

I'm sure this may be very familiar to a lot of fantasy readers, but today I discovered a glorious new word while flicking through Mr Howards ramblings...

ENSORCELLED

Meaning to fall under the effect of sorcery, to be bewitched, and so on.

CONAN has lost his lady friend in a dungeon below an ancient city...

CONAN has lost his lady friend, Natala, in a dungeon below an ancient city. Thalis, who is competing with Natala for CONAN's attention, overpowers her and gets a bit lesbo-sadomasochistic on her arse!

As in a nightmare Natala felt her tunic being stripped from her, and the next instant Thalis had jerked up her wrists and bound them barely touching the floor. Twisting her head, Natala saw Thalis unhook a jewel-handed whip from where it hung on the wall, near the ring. The lashes consisted of seven round silk cords, harder yet more pliant than leather thongs.
With a hiss of vindictive gratification, Thalis  drew back her arm, and Natala shrieked as the cords curled across her loins. The tortured girl writhed, and tore agonizedly at the thongs which imprisoned her wrists.
...She had never guessed the punishing power of hard-woven silk cords. Their caress was more exquisitely painful than any birch twig or leather thongs.

From, "The Slithering Shadow"
Page 151-2 "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN"

It's quite interesting that although there have been many instances of cruelty by men upon women being mentioned, the only graphic description I have found so far decribes a woman taking pleasure in cruelty to another woman.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

CONAN on philosophical and theological debate

CONAN takes the time consider the debates raging amongst the philosophers and holy-men.

He had squatted for hours in the courtyard of the philosophers, listening to the arguments of theologians and teachers and came away in a haze of bewilderment, sure of only one thing, and that, that they were all touched in the head.

From "The Tower of the Elephant"
Page 83. "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN"

Thursday, January 19, 2012

A vote for CONAN is a vote for low taxes!

After being defeated in a particularly sneaky way underhanded way, CONAN King of Aquilonia is taunted by his captors. He goads his captors by pointing out what a better job he had done looking after things than the hereditary monarch he killed to capture the kingdom had.
The land was torn with wars of the barons, and the people cried out under suppression and taxation. Today no Aquilonian noble dares maltreat the humblest of my subjects, and the taxes of the people are lighter than anywhere else in the world.
From "The Scarlet Citadel"
Page 50. "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN"
 Artwork displayed with the kind permission of the artist, Loopydave .
Please check out his web page HERE for more of his work.

A sorcerer threatens to make a scroll from the skin of CONAN's women.

After having been lured into a trap and defeated, CONAN has been captured Tsotha, an evil sorcerer. Before leaving CONAN to be fed to a giant snake in his dungeons, Tsotha asks,
What word from you shall I say to your women, before I flay their dainty skins for scrolls whereon to chronicle the triumphs of Tsotha-Lanti?
From "The Scarlet Citadel"
Page 52. "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN"

As threats/brags go that's pretty hardcore, "I have defeated you, and now I'm going to flay your concubines to make a scroll to write about how I beat you on."
Bloody sorcerers!

CONAN on organised religion.

CONAN is untroubled by the majesty and splendour of the temples he passes on his way to steal a fantastic jewel.
...he knew that Zamora's religion, like all things of a civilized, long-settled people, was intricate and complex, and had lost most of the pristine essence in a maze of formulas and rituals.
From "The Tower of the Elephant"
Page 83. "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN"

A keenly observed critique of organised religion from Mr Howard.

CONAN and manners.

CONAN is new to town, and a little confused by the mocking banter of the local criminal underclass.
Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing.
From "The Tower of the Elephant"
Page 82. "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN"

Much as I want to, I just can't fault the logic of that.

Monday, January 16, 2012

CONAN and technology.

After seeing what essentially amounted to a CCTV system,  created from a complex system of pipes and mirrors, bulit by a priest technologically massively advanced from the rest of his era, CONAN is deeply suspicious...

...the priest must be centuries ahead of his generation, to perfect such an invention; but Conan put it down to witchcraft and troubled his head no more about it.

From, "Rogues in the House"
Page 202. "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN"

CONAN recognises a man from the smell of his hair.

Our hero finds himself creeping in total darkness through the catacombs beneath the house of the Red Priest. He bumps into and recognise Murilo, the young nobleman who earlier helped him escape the cities dungeon by using  his superhuman sense of smell.
"How did you recognize me in this blackness?" He demanded.
"I smelled the perfume you put on your hair when you came to my cell." answered Conan. I smelled it again a while ago, when I was crouching in the dark preparing to rip you open."
Murilo put lock of his black hair to his nostrils; even so the scent was barely apparent to his civilised senses, and he realised how keen must be the organs of the barbarian.
From, "Rogues in the House"
Page 197. "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN"

Even CONAN can drink too much.

CONAN is betrayed to the authorities who find him laying drunk.
Waking to stupefied but ferocious life when they seized him, he disemboweled the captain, burst through his assailants and would have escaped, but for the liquor that still clouded his senses. Bewildered and half blind, he missed the open door in his headlong flight, and dashed his head against the stone wall so terrifically that he knocked himself senseless.
From "Rogues in the House"
Page 189. The Complete Chronicles of CONAN.

 Artwork displayed with the kind permission of the artist, Loopydave .
Please check out his web page HERE for more of his work.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

CONAN kills a man with one punch!

After having to flee the pirate haven of Baracha, for undisclosed reasons, CONAN swims up to the pirate ship Wastrel and climbs onboard. He talks his way past the deeply suspicious captain an is allowed to join the crew.

CONAN (The Barachan),

He spat in CONAN's face and snatched at his own sword.
The Barachan's movement was too quick for the eye to follow. His sledge-like fist crunched with a terrible impact against his tormentors jaw, and the Zingaran catapulted through the air and fell in a crumpled heap by the rail.
CONAN turned towards the others. But for a glitter in his eyes, his bearing was unchanged. But the baiting was over as suddenly as it began. The seamen lifted their companion; his broken jaw hung slack, his head lolled unnaturally.

From "The Pool of the Black One."
Page 166. The Complete Chronicles of CONAN.

The moral of the story...
DO NOT SPIT AT CONAN!

CONAN has a fight with a god

After fleeing the mysterious city of Xuthal where he killed nearly everyone he met and had a fight with the ancient thog, the god (yes! god!) of the people there. Thog was as gods go a fairly Lovecraftian tentacled one at that, CONAN remarks,

CONAN.
There are brains and gut and blood to be cleaned off marble tiles, and if their god still lives, he carries more wounds than I.
From "The Slithering Shadow"
Page 162. The Complete Chronicles of CONAN

So... Born on a battlefield?

CONAN.
"I was born in the midst of battle," he answered, tearing a chunk of meat from a huge joint with his strong teeth. "The first sound my ears heard was the clang of swords and the yells of slaying..."
From "Black Colossus"
Page 115-6. The Complete Chronicles of CONAN.

Start as you mean to continue I guess.

 Artwork displayed with the kind permission of the artist, Liam Sharp .
Please check out his Deviant Art  page HERE for more of his work.

An evil wizard talks tough

Thugra Khotan, in the guise of Natohk, The veiled one.

I will sweep into the lands of my ancient enemies. Their kings shall furnish me skulls for goblets, and their women and children shall be slaves of my slaves' slaves.

From "Black Colossus"
Page 108. The Complete Chronicles of CONAN.

Two words...

GREAT THREAT!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

QUOTABLE CONAN Day one...



The CONAN stories...

I've been meaning to start reading them for years, especially after seing a friend's collection of crumpled old Conan paper backs with their glorious Frank Frazetta covers but I never seemed to get around to buying any of the books.

I have finally just jumped in and bought the nearly 900 page Conan-fest that is the "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN" in the hopes that it will bring some glory and a taste of steel to my bus journey to work every morning.

I'm only a few days in to this, and there have aready been so many truly glorious quotes that popping a Conan quote a day on my facebook just won't suffice.

Mainly hilarious brags and threats I guess, but to be fair, these alone make me smile enough to do this. Probably the frustrated academic in me is probably going to end up listing quotes that examine the works of Mr Howard in a number of lights.

Well if I can be arsed.

Mainly funny brags and threats then, but time permitting, maybe I'll pick out and catalogue some gems that might be of use to academics of the pulpier side of literature.

So heres to a work in progress...

Hopefully I'll be able to publish a couple of quotes a week minimum, as I plough through the rambling alpha male fantasies of a man who looked suspisciously like Al Capone!




BORING BIT:
All quotes will be referenced so you can find them and make sure I'm not making this all up. (not that anyone would lie on the internet of course)
All page numbers will refer to "The Complete Chronicles of CONAN" pictured above.

I'll have a think about how best to classify things as I go along and apply or whatever once I get more of a picture of how this is going.